A VP of Engineering, two months into a new role, described a pattern that had started to wear on her.

One of her direct reports had been a finalist for her job. He didn't get it. Now he reported to her.

In their first 1:1, he was professional. She thought it would be fine.

Then she started noticing things.

In leadership team meetings, he'd ask pointed questions about her decisions - always framed as "just wanting to understand." 

He'd agree with her decisions in the meeting, then have side conversations afterward where he'd raise concerns he never mentioned in the room.

In skip-levels and cross-functional meetings, he'd reference his own tenure and history in ways that subtly reminded everyone he'd been here longer, understood more, had relationships she didn't.

She felt the weight of being undermined, but wondered if she was just being paranoid.

So she kept managing around it. Hoping it would fade.

It didn't.

When someone on your team wanted your job and didn't get it, the relationship starts with weight on it.

They may not even be aware of what they're doing. 

But the disappointment is real. The loss of status is real. They had a vision for how this would go, and you are the reason it didn't.

Most leaders assume this will resolve on its own. That with time, competence, and fairness, the tension will ease.

It rarely does.

What typically happens is a slow pattern of subtle resistance. 

Questions that aren't really questions - to increase doubt.

Nostalgia for how things were done before - framed as wisdom.

A tone that's technically professional but never quite supportive.

None of it is fireable. All of it is corrosive.

Most leaders try to manage around this.

They give the person space. They avoid confrontation. They focus on being fair and letting the work speak for itself.

The logic is: if I perform well, they'll come around. If I don't overreact, it'll fade.

But the longer you tolerate subtle undermining, the more it becomes the norm. 

Your authority erodes in small increments. Others on the team notice. They start to wonder who's actually in charge.

And the person doing it takes your silence as permission.

1/ Have a direct conversation, one-on-one:

Name it early. Not as an accusation. As an observation.

"I know you were in the running for this role. I would have been disappointed too. I want to acknowledge that - and I want us to work well together. I've noticed some tension in how we're showing up in meetings, and I'd like to talk about it."

2/ Be specific about what you're seeing:

Don't say "you seem undermining." 

Describe what you are noticing: "I've noticed that you'll agree with a decision in our meeting, but then have side conversations afterward where you raise concerns you didn’t mention."

“I'm seeing you reference your tenure here in a way that creates a dynamic where the team is looking to you for the 'real' story rather than for my current direction."

3/ Restate the ground rules:

Once the behaviour is said out loud, define how to work together moving forward.

For example: “If you disagree with a direction, bring it to me directly either in 1:1 or during the meeting. I appreciate your perspective. But I need us to leave the room aligned. If we've settled on a decision, I need you to support it.”

4/ Give them a choice:

"I want you to be a key part of this team’s success, but only if we’re operating with this level of alignment. If you can’t get behind the direction or this way of working, we need to discuss what that means for your role. Can you commit to this?"

5/ The reality check:

For some, being called out is the wake-up call they needed. They realize the "double game" is visible and no longer works. They align, and the relationship becomes productive.

Others don't. The behaviour continues, or shifts into new forms.

If the pattern persists, you’ve moved past a 'misunderstanding.' You’ve given them feedback, and they’ve chosen not to act on it. You aren't managing a 'rival' anymore; you’re managing a performance issue.

Have the conversation early. It’s much harder to reset a dynamic once what you tolerate becomes the norm.